July 30th
Ryan Lochte may be speedy, but 16 year-old Chinese girl swimmer Ye Shiwen is even quicker! Bizarre scenes as swimming prodigy smashes world record and even beats U.S. champ’s time over last 50 meters
Beach volleyball players say squirrels are causing problems by burying acorns in the sand at Horse Guards Parade. They should give thanks they aren’t playing on an actual beach near London. The dogs bury far worse at Southend. Then they’d have a real problem.
As fireworks lit up the heavens above the Olympics opening ceremony, watched by around a billion people, something else was seen among the whizz-bangs in the night sky… a UFO.
It may have ticked all the cliché boxes – saucer-shaped, bulge in the middle, metallic – but no one has yet stepped forward to explain the slow-moving object.
11 million spectators….just eight cash machines: fears over payment chaos for Olympic spectators as ATM shortage leaves thousands without access to cash. They should take their lead from Prince Charles and don’t carry any cash.
“There are semi-naked women playing beach volleyball glistening like wet otters:” Boris Johnson enthused about Olympic event at Horse Guards Parade. Take a leaf out of Prince Charles’ book and don’t carry any.
July 31st
The Brazilian women’s football team is fuming that British authorities failed to replace a broken down bus for more than five hours, stranding them on the side of the road the night before their big match against Team GB. The British bounders won 1-0.
The women’s doubles badminton competition at London 2012 descended into farce and scandal at Wembley Arena as two pairs appeared to deliberately start playing to lose in an attempt to manipulate the final standings of their group. Both pairs had already qualified for the last 16.
Chinese top seeds Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang and the South Koreans Jung Kyung-eun and Kim Ha-na were booed off after an extraordinary match in which players regularly served into the net or hit wide apparently on purpose.
Barbara Walters, doyen of American TV journalists, launched an outrageous attack on the Queen’s “sour face” and “19th-Century dress sense” at Opening Olympic Ceremony. Is she related to Julie?
August 1st
Shocked NBC viewers watch as Olympic water polo player’s breast is exposed underwater after fight with U.S. opponent. They claimed they were not to be outdone by the semi-naked beach volley ball players.
Aussie rower detained by police after damaging shop… while fainting on boozy night out!
His team finished sixth in the final.
“They played like depressed blancmanges:” 8 badminton players disqualified from London 2012 following match-throwing allegations.
August 2nd
The Gold Rush finally began for Team GB when rowers Heather Stanning and Helen Glover surged to victory in the 2000 meter pair, and Tour De France winner Bradley Wiggins raced through the tape in the cycling time trial.
Bradley Wiggins celebrated his Olympic gold medal by getting ‘blind drunk’ partying into the early hours of the morning at a Central London watering hole.
James Magnussen, Australia’s world champion in the 100m freestyle was labeled by one US columnist as “the biggest Australian flop since Crocodile Dundee 3. He failed to win the gold medal in his favored event and was only the 10th fastest qualifier in the 50m freestyle.
Ann Romney’s horse fails to win dressage, but avoids offending British. Short of mocking Shetland ponies over their lack of stature or laying into zebras for their failure to make a significant contribution to the world of equine culture, her horse Rafalca was always going to struggle to match the sheer incredulity that her husband managed to provoke on his recent overseas trip.
