Return from the Mother Ship

The return from Blighty was not as dramatic as the trip over, but it had its moments. My wife joined me later in the week from Madrid and she caught the train from Paddington to Land’s End. Little did she know that most of the seats on the Friday afternoon train were reserved and she was forced to change seats twelve times before arriving at her destination. Don’t ticket reservations at the departing station know how many seats are available on the train? Paddington to Land’s End is a long way to stand up with a couple of bags in tow.

Following delightful weather during our enjoyable stay with my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter we bade farewell and returned to London for the flight home from Heathrow the next morning. Our objective was the 9.45am flight to Atlanta and my wife was fairly optimistic on our chances of getting on the plane until……the Boston flight leaving at 9.20 was cancelled due to technical difficulties which meant several of the paying passengers would transfer to the Atlanta flight.

Now those who were paying attention will recall that I would return to the subject of inconsistencies in security in the Western World. One is not required to remove shoes or belts at Heathrow which is in contrast to Atlanta. Heathrow regards a “Kindle” as a large electronic device and must therefore be removed from one’s bag. Heathrow does not have the full body scan device, but hire sexual perverts to pat you down.

I inadvertently dropped my cell phone on the security beltway which they reluctantly returned, and we were on our way to the gate despite an airline employee advising us that we were wasting our time attempting to board this flight.

I have to admit it didn’t look good. The gate was teaming with irrascible humanity and I decided to bed down into one of the back breaking seats, read my kindle, and let fate seal my destiny. They began boarding the plane in order of superiority. “Platinum customers please board, frequent flyers with 10 million points please follow suit, and business class (formerly first class) passengers step aboard at your leisure. Okay, Zones 1-56 can take their place in punters class and pick up their oats and hay as they board, but no talking.”

By the time this operation was complete there were a handful of humans remaining including ourselves. We looked like pyorrheas, the dregs of society. But wait, suddenly out of the blue the gate agent called our name and invited us to step up to the plate. Whereupon she handed us two boarding passes; two seats together and in business class. We were flying home to Atlanta in style armed with my Jubilee tin filled with PG Tips. About bloody time!

 

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