I used to enjoy air travel but alas not any more. I have flown internationally and domestically for over 20 years and I have been disappointed, actually annoyed, to witness the rapid deterioration in service on flights. I do not expect flight attendants to look like Miss America or have the manners of an angel as was the norm thirty years ago, but I would like to anticipate basic standards of decorum and civility. That should not include a 200 pound flight attendant waddling down the aisle oblivious of dislocating shoulders of aisle passengers and screaming at the top of her inarticulate vocal cords: “Trash, trash, trash, trash…..”
Let me give you a piece of advice. When it comes to snack time and the attendant is pushing that gruesome trolley down the aisle, don’t think of reading a book because by golly they are determined to fracture an unsuspecting protruding elbow or two. Speaking of snacks these are relegated on domestic flights to a packet of cookies or a minute packet of peanuts. Little did I know? I was returning home from Tampa recently wedged in between two well fed ladies. One was wearing a surgical mask and fiddling with an array of pills and portions stuffed in the pocket attached to the seat in front of her, and the other lady was trying to penetrate my rib cage with her generous elbow while leaning her ample frame on my wilting shoulder.
I was considering my options: would I prefer to be crushed to death by or contact some deadly disease from the woman in the surgical mask? I was contemplating my fate when the flight attendant made an announcement over the public address system: “Hear this, hear this. One of our passengers has a severe allergy to peanuts and consequently passengers sitting in rows 19-25 will not be offered peanuts on this flight. You can accept the cookies or suck it up. That is all.”
I was sitting in row 20, and by keen observation, I assumed that I was sitting next to the peanut lady, but grateful in the knowledge that she wasn’t the carrier of some killer virus. Quite predictably the attendant casually tossed a packet of cookies in my direction and asked me what I wanted to drink. “I would like a sprite please,” I replied in a pleasant tone. To which she gave me a cup of water and a withering look, and muttered under a breath: “Just be grateful that you get to sit next to the flight’s celebrity.” Almost on cue, the peanut lady crossed her legs and inadvertently rendered a painful blow to my knee.
On the subject of knees, a few weeks ago I was traveling back on the “red eye” from Salt Lake City. The flight had been uneventful and the plane landed in Atlanta at about 6.30am. The exit doors were opened and the passengers began to leave the plane in an orderly fashion. I was separated from my bag by a few rows and elected to wait patiently in my seat before attempting to leave the plane. Suddenly a woman’s piercing scream rudely invaded the peaceful tranquility of another dawn. It appeared to reverberate from the vicinity of the exit door. My curiosity was aroused and I stood up to find out what was happening. One of the female flight attendants had dropped to the floor in a crumpled heap and let out another ghoulish sound usually reserved for a Halloween party. One of her associates attempted to help her to her feet only to be told unceremoniously by the victim to leave well alone. One of the lady passengers announced she was a doctor and offered to assist but the wailing banshee replied: “Don’t come near me; I will be okay in a minute. I had a dislocated knee and it pops out now and again such as aagh!” Another nightmarish howl followed. Meanwhile the captain emerged from the sanctuary of the flight deck looking nonplussed probably wondering whether it was safe to come out.
One of the passengers suggested sending for a wheel chair to assist the stricken lady from the plane only to be told by another attendant in no uncertain terms that she wanted all the passengers off the plane as quickly as possible and the flight crew would take care of their fallen comrade. Meanwhile the wailing banshee had gotten to her feet looking ashen faced and trying desperately to act composed. It was my turn to head for the exit when the poor lady let out yet another blood curdling cry and keeled over yet again grabbing her knee.
With no thanks to the flight crew, the passengers leaving the plane had behaved impeccably in very trying circumstances. I have sympathy for the flight attendant who was obviously in agony, but I have to wonder whether flight crews are required to take regular and rigorous medicals. The events of the flight from Salt Lake City would suggest otherwise. Nobody can convince me that the attendant could have undertaken her prescribed duties if an emergency had occurred. A lack of civility is one thing but endangering the safety of passengers is another matter.
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