Quirky Memories of Christmas Past

.Whenever I open a can of tuna my thoughts turn to a Christmas many moons ago. My marriage had broken down and I would not be seeing my children on Christmas Day. I ended up at my brother’s home and one thing led to another with me storming out of the house just before the turkey was placed on the table. I drove 45 miles home smoldering all the way. I slammed the front door shut, closed all the curtains, unplugged the phone, opened a can of tuna and sat down to watch an “Only Fools and Horses” special, or it could have been the “Morecambe and Wise Christmas Show.”

Suddenly I realized I had left my parents stranded at my brother’s house. Luckily my brother’s father-in-law gave them a ride home. Later that night I furtively drove over to my mum’s expecting a deserved torrid reception, but she was very concerned for me. She smiled and said: “You should have told me you were leaving; I would have come with you!”

My first date with my ex-wife was at the Christmas office dance in Mumbles. She lived on the other side of town and was staying the night at her girlfriend’s parents’ house. The girl’s parents were very snooty and during a conversation asked their guest if her father had any hobbies. She replied he enjoyed horse racing, and they asked how many horses her father owned. She replied sheepishly that he didn’t own any, but he liked to bet on them!!

It doesn’t snow very often in Swansea, but a few years ago we were supplied with the white stuff on New Year’s Eve.  My wife had flown over from America and we were enjoying the festivities at home in Tycoch. To celebrate the New Year, she adorned a long fleece coat, stepped out the front door and lay on her back in the snow flailing her arms and legs to create a snow angel. One or two of the neighbors were twitching at their curtains totally bewildered by the appearance of an angel. I guess it’s an American thing.

One year before we were married I flew over to America to spend Christmas with my future wife. One of her favorite activities during the festive season was selecting a live tree from the Christmas tree farm near to her home. This is a time when size does matter not to mention thickness, stature, coloring and type.  We duly arrived at the farm with the temperature approaching 75 degrees, and armed with a saw, we set out in search of the perfect tree.  She immediately spotted one that matched all her requirements, but chose to peruse the rest of the crop just in case there was a better tree lurking in the background.

Two or three hours later, we returned to the first tree she liked and duly felled it in lumberjack fashion. I’m not sure whether my internal temperature had exceeded the external temperature, but she did mention something about me resembling a kettle about to boil.

My wife loves surprise gifts at Christmas which drives me crazy. She won’t allow me to buy her clothes. She has a Kindle so I can’t give her books, and her music tastes are quite eclectic. My standby was usually a jewelry store located in Stone Mountain. But on Christmas Eve, much to my horror, I discovered it had gone out of business. I was at my wit’s end, devoid of ideas, and the only gift I had bought her was a vanity mirror. On Christmas morning the base of the tree was stacked with my presents from her while the vanity mirror stood alone. I’m still not sure to this day whether she wanted to laugh or cry. On reflection she was definitely in a state of shock and awe.

I hope you all have a happy and healthy New Year.

 

Leave a Reply