Archive for November, 2011

The Man Rules

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

We always hear “The Rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

  • Men are not mind readers.
  • Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big (for big I mean mature) girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  • Weekend sports; it’s like the full moon or the changing tides. Let it be.
  • Crying is blackmail.
  • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  • Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 
  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 
  • If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. 
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 
  • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 
  • Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 
  • All men see in only 16 colors like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 
  • If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.
  • If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  • If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 
  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
  • Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, beer or happy hour.
  • You have enough clothes.
  • You have too many shoes
  • I am in shape. ROUND is a shape!

 Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.